im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
