just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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