Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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