I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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