i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
