I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize