How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
