so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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