so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
