I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize