Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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