I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize