I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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