Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
