I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
where are you?
Hypothermia
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
