dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
