She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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