how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I want to fling myself into the sun
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize