quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
