this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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