it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
