Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
