i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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