And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize