saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
