yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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