but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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