By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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