oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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