my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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