Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
