guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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