Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize