Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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