Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
