I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
