question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
