I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
