At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
