he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize