Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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