Apparently you make a good broom.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
