Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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