hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
