Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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