Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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