well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
