I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
