and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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