just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
