I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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