You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
