Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize