I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
