did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
