I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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