omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
