Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
