I just gift wrapped bread.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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