i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
