i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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