I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
