Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
