I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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