you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
