Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
