You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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