I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
But break dance skills will only take you so far
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize