it was like a zeppelin in a condom
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
