So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
