Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
