I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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