I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
