So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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