I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
