it wasn't lemon gatorade
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
