if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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