I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
