The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
