If you die in college, do you die in real life?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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