I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
