in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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