why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
