3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
