i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
