No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
