Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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