dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
