I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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