Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
