you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
