Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize